Dating long distance in college
Moving back to the city I had just left led to years of resentment.The relationship I was in with my long-distance boyfriend had gotten off to a pretty rocky start.We didn't have trust early on, what with him dumping me every few weeks or even days.Of course I didn't trust him not to break it off because I was gone. If my boyfriend didn't text me back right away, I assumed that it was over.Going long-distance makes the big flaws really apparent: Anxiety, co-dependence, and self-worth come to the forefront.These were the flaws my long-distance relationship brought to the surface, and they increased in size and scale. Thinking that the problems would go away once the distance between us closed, I moved back to be with him.I had a history of falling for emotionally unavailable people.Maybe this was someone who actually wanted to be with me. If I seem bitter now, it's because I wasn't angry enough then.
Once, he sent me a job posting in Princeton, and I allowed myself to flirt with the idea of being able to hang out on weekends. It wasn't long before I became impatient with the open-ended nature of our long-distance relationship.This is the deeper, more permanent love that comes after the sheeny gloss of infatuation.It's the kind of commitment that lasts despite geography.As it turned out, we wouldn't survive the same city much better, though it took us longer to realize that. Looking back, I should have known the signs my long-distance relationship wouldn't last were the same ones that meant we would never make it long term.They were definitely there, even if they were difficult to recognize at the time: I have had friends who had long-distance relationships and didn't break up. They knew how many months (or years) they would be apart.