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”“I want see if you’re as cool as your profile suggests.”Okay, what’s with that challenging tone? Also, I’m not even going to go into what exactly they mean by “cool.” I’m assuming they mean the stuff I like (the coolness of which is definitely open to debate). If they mean I’m aloof and nihilistic, and really, really into leather jackets, then they’re 100% correct. The guy who strikes out and then strikes back…months later“Hey whore, did you ever meet anyone on here?”“It must suck to have such low self-esteem.”“Too bad you’re such a cunt, we could have had something.”Okay, so most women are pretty familiar with negging and the particular kind of rage that men exhibit when they’ve been rejected (Bye Felipe), but there’s also rage, and that really boils my noodles.I want to be friends first.”“Why won’t you be my friend?

They also tend to roll in around 2 AM, and as we all know, 2 AM is that dreaded time of night when the slings and arrows we dodge in daily life plague us most. I’m having a hard time making jokes about it, because a hostile stranger obsessing over you is really damn unnerving. The tragedy of this guy is that responsible single dads are totally sexy.Frankly, I blame our movies and other narrative media. If you think I’m cool but you’re too cool to tell me so, you’re trying too hard, and that is most decidedly cool. Why would I meet someone who is openly skeptical of my personality?The hero-gets-the-girl trope is older than Methuselah's shit, not to mention the fact that the plot of almost every rom-com in existence is "Boy likes girl, girl doesn't notice boy, boy buddies up to her and shows her that all the other boys are unworthy, boy gets girl." If you're learning about American culture and relying on our media to help you figure out how to approach American women, you'll think we're all childlike simpletons that need male kindness forcefully shoved down our throats in order to make cognizant relationship decisions. It’s truly weird how many guys come at me with this “think you’re so smart and tough, huh? Like, “Oh shit, this rando from the Internet doubts my coolness!Sorry dude, but that sounds like a big fat waste of my time and energy. Your ability to mix pancake batter while driving down the freeway at 90 miles an hour steering the car with your knees? Even if you do have an objectively great body, bodies are still too generic-looking to elicit much of a response.The guy who posts gross body shots and no face pics Listen, I might be crazy, but for me, the face is the part of the body most likely to attract me. You think six inches is a crazy big wang that every potential girlfriend needs to see right away, but you might be surprised to learn that the face is actually a greater tool of seduction than your mediocre physique. People on Fet Life are reluctant to post photos of their faces, and that’s something I totally get. I’ve received about a hundred messages from guys with the same basic build and skin tone, and their pictures are the exact same naked mirror selfie with the head cut off.

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